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I have an exciting and scary experience to share!

The nurses and doctors told me the first week of his birth was going to be a waiting game. He can leave the hospital when he can hold his own body temperature. He can leave when he can eat without a feeding tube. He can leave once he gains a pound. He can leave once he can live outside his incubator. These we're the promises the nurses gave me every time I entered the neonatal intensive care unit. They we're trying to fill me with hope. It wasn't working.

On the third day of Louie's stay in the NICU I came during his regular feeding timethe only time I could hold louie or touch him outside of his incubator was when he was eatingthe nurses informed me that Louie had pulled off his feeding tube twice that day. One nurse remarked, "If he does it one more time I think we're just going to leave it out and see if he feeds through a bottle."

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Sure enough, later that day Louie pulled out his feeding tube for thethird time, and this time it was after they had taped the tubes to his face. The nurses took it as sign that maybe he could feed on his own. Whatever hopelessness I had been feeling before was diminished by the tiny four-pound body cradled in my arms.

I think about that moment a lot, because it has become the prescient of how Louie has and will most likely conduct the rest of his life.

Earlier this week, after informing me that he would not need further ski lessonslessons that only involved learning how to put the skis on and learning how to maneuver his way down a small hillhe convinced me to let him ski down an actual slope. "Mom, I prooomiiissseeee I can do this." he said, "truussttt meeeee."

The problem was I had only skied once beforein my life and if anything happened I would not be in a position to help him. It felt SO risky. As most mothers would agree, taking risks is totally fine, as long as it does not involveyour children. Motherhood means everything must be safe and guided. So, I can't really tell you what I was thinking when I agreed to let him have a go down an actual slope without either of us knowing whatwe we're doing.

We got off the lift in one piece, which felt promising, but as we stood at the top of the slope I had what felt like an instant-mini panic attack. "Hey Louie, I think maybe we should wai." Before I could even get the last word out he was shooting down the slope. It was like this was his thousandth time skiing, and he knew exactly what he wasdoing.

I stared in shock. How is he doing this right now? I thought. I slowly and methodically made my way down the slope, and as I reached the bottom I found Louie waiting for me with a giant grin on his face. "I SHOWED you, mom!"

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Posted in Outdoor Activities Post Date 05/06/2015


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